“How are you so unbothered?”
“You seem so sure of yourself. You never have a problem making your own decisions for yourself,” A friend recently asked me this, and I had to laugh—because, truthfully, like most of us,I often feel like I’m teetering on the edge of a breakdown. But I thought about it and at my core, she’s right, I am unbothered. I know who I am. I trust myself. I don’t seek outside validation. And a huge part of that comes from my relationship with solitude.
I’m an only child of parents who value independence so I have a bit of an unfair advantage here. Being alone has forced me to get crystal clear on who I am, what I value, and what truly brings me peace. The more time I spend in my own company, the more unshakable I become. Now im not saying you have to become a hermit for the rest of your life in order to get some self assurance. Too much solitude is a bad idea too - it can cause. But just enough solitude can give you the you may be looking for.
But I know that for many people, being alone can feel uncomfortable, even terrifying. We live in a world that constantly bombards us with noise, distractions, and the idea that solitude equals loneliness. But solitude isn’t loneliness—it’s an opportunity. And if you learn how to embrace it, it will change your life.
The Science of Solitude: Why Being Alone Is So Powerful
Spending intentional time alone isn’t just a personal choice—it’s a scientifically backed way to build confidence, clarity, and emotional resilience. Research shows that solitude:
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Strengthens self-awareness – When you’re alone, you’re not performing for anyone. You can observe your thoughts, emotions, and patterns without external influence. Psychologists call this self-reflection, and it’s a key factor in emotional intelligence.
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Boosts creativity and problem-solving – Ever noticed how your best ideas come when you’re in the shower or on a solo walk? That’s because solitude gives your brain space to wander, make connections, and generate new ideas.
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Increases self-reliance – The more time you spend alone, the more comfortable you become in your own company. Over time, you stop seeking external validation because you trust your own voice.
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Reduces social anxiety – Studies show that people who are comfortable with solitude tend to feel less lonely in social situations because they aren’t relying on others for a sense of belonging. They know they already belong to themselves.
How to Get Comfortable Being Alone
If being alone makes you uneasy, it’s probably because you haven’t learned how to be with yourself yet. Here are some ways to ease into solitude and make it a source of strength rather than discomfort:
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Shift Your Mindset
Solitude isn’t punishment—it’s freedom. Instead of seeing it as a void, see it as an opportunity to listen to yourself, recharge, and reconnect. -
Start Small
You don’t have to jump straight into a solo weekend retreat. Try spending 10–15 minutes a day without distractions—no phone, no TV, just you. Observe what comes up without judgment. -
Find Activities You Genuinely Enjoy Alone
Many people avoid being alone because they associate it with boredom. But solitude is only boring when you haven’t discovered what lights you up. Explore solo hobbies—reading, journaling, hiking, cooking, or even just sitting at a café people-watching. -
Get Comfortable With Silence
Silence can feel awkward at first, but it’s one of the most powerful tools for self-discovery. Try driving without music, sitting in a quiet room, or taking a walk without headphones. Pay attention to how your thoughts flow when there’s no external noise. -
Journal Your Thoughts
Writing is one of the best ways to process emotions and deepen self-awareness. When you’re alone, try journaling about what’s on your mind, what you’re learning about yourself, and how you feel in solitude. Over time, you’ll start to notice patterns and insights that help you understand yourself on a deeper level. -
Stop Seeking Constant External Validation
One of the most liberating aspects of solitude is realizing you don’t need constant approval from others. Spend time alone making decisions without consulting anyone else. Ask yourself: What do I want? What feels right for me? The more you trust yourself, the less you’ll need reassurance from others.
The Result? A More Grounded, Unshakable You
When you learn how to be alone, you gain an inner stillness that can’t be easily disrupted. You stop chasing people, validation, and distractions because you know that you are enough. You become more intentional about who and what you allow into your space. And, ironically, the more comfortable you are being alone, the more fulfilling your relationships become—because you’re no longer depending on them for your sense of self.
So if you’ve been avoiding solitude, I challenge you to embrace it. Sit with yourself. Listen. Learn. And watch how your confidence, clarity, and peace of mind transform in the process.
